Danger Zone
by sartietingles
Summary: "I think I just need a minute," Sam choked out, suddenly concerned about the implications of Artie in uniform and him performing to a bunch of people while not wearing pants.


_Reaction fic to the boys' mash up because Sam and Artie both looked ridiculously good. Established Sartie relationship. Bi!Artie and gay!Sam as always. Hope you enjoy!_

* * *

Sam, Jake and Ryder waited for the other three guys to get their costumes ready. They were about to do a musical tribute to Tom Cruise. They weren't wearing pants.

"This is gonna be the gayest thing I've ever done," Sam murmured.

"You mean apart from Artie," Ryder grinned, giving him a light shove and prompting an "OOOOHHH DUDE" and a high five from Jake.

Sam snickered but shook his head and scolded, "Dude, Artie isn't even gay. Come on, I set you up so well with that line and that's really the best you could do?"

Ryder and Jake shuffled ashamedly.

Sam gave them a parent-y look. "I'm disappointed in both of you."

Before the two could come up with something else, Joe, Blaine and Artie burst into the room. They pouted through their aviators and saluted the pantsless three in unison.

Jake and Ryder applauded their friends' costumes, but Sam could feel himself getting light headed.

Because there was his Artie in a fucking _air force uniform jumpsuit_ with his big stupid pouty face and _oh god there's a zipper all down the front. _Sam was listing mentally all the possessions that he would gladly give away so that he could tear that jumpsuit open with his teeth. Or have Artie wearing it all the time. It was really hard to decide.

Sam tried to greet Artie with his usual, "Hey, hot stuff," but all that came out was a strangled noise.

Artie went to laugh at his boyfriend's flustered-ness, but it came out all high pitched and squeally. After all, Sam had very nice… legs. And his lack of pants was… distracting.

The two gaped at each other.

Blaine's eyebrows appeared above his sunglasses judgmentally. "We really should have taken these two into consideration when we chose these costumes," he moaned to no one in particular. Bringing his hand to his forehead in frustration he exhaled loudly and mumbled, "_Jesus Christ_."

"Yes?" Joe said.

"I think I just need a minute," Sam choked out, suddenly concerned about the implications of Artie in uniform and him performing to a bunch of people while not wearing pants.

"Ok so THIS is the gayest thing you've ever done," Ryder offered helpfully.

Sam was at this stage fanning himself with his hands. He gave Ryder an approving but flustered nod and said thickly, "Thank you, that was actually a good call."

Artie tried to keep it together so they wouldn't both seem completely insane. He pulled Sam down to his level. "Why are you freaking out so much? At least _I'm_ wearing pants!"

"You've seen me with no pants before!" Sam shot back defensively.

Jake sighed. "I am adding that to the long list of things I really didn't need to know about your relationship."

Artie stared at him. "Gurl. I'm pretty sure all the other things on that list make that a little… obvious?"

While some people didn't understand the notion of indoor voices, Sam and Artie didn't understand what you might call 'indoor topics of conversation', or, as it was more commonly known, 'Jesus Christ guys Jake and Ryder are underage it's probably illegal or something to be talking about that in front of them'.

Artie turned back to Sam and took off his aviators for some real talk and-

"NO. No, no, no," Sam tried to push them back onto Artie's face. "I can't handle your eyes too right now."

"Aww," Joe smiled. "This is actually kind of cute."

Blaine shook his head. "These two stopped being cute a long time ago. And we have to go on soon."

"But jumpsuit," Sam whimpered.

Blaine sighed.

Sam stood up. "I think I just need to go take a cold shower."

"Yeah, me too," Artie added hastily, trying to peel his eyes away from Sam's… legs.

Sam nodded vigorously and looked to Artie. "Yeah we should really just go take a shower together."

"Definitely."

He went to start wheeling Artie out of the room and looked over at Blaine. "We can postpone this for like an hour right?"

"Come on, guys," Jake urged. "I'm sure you can keep it in your pants or," he nodded at Sam, "Lack of pants for the five minutes it'll take to finish this number. Then you can go… whatever."

Artie looked up at Sam. "Think we can do it, babe?"

"Yeah," he said. "I mean if we find like a spare classroom or if there's no one in the showers or we could just go back to your place or-"

Artie chuckled over the groans of their friends. "No, I meant the song."

"Oh," Sam blushed slightly. "Yeah, ok. We can try."

They gave each other a quick good luck smooch and mumbled a muffled "I love you".

The two boyfriends made it through the performance with a strict policy of not making eye contact with each other. When it was finally over and everyone clapped and cheered Sam launched himself onto Artie's lap and kissed him fiercely.

"That was great," Sam grinned.

"_You_ were great," Artie gushed.

"You look great."

"You too."

"We should go find somewhere more quiet."

"OK," Artie grinned devilishly and began to wheel the two of them out of the classroom before Mr Schue could give them another lecture about movies and feelings. "I'll just grab my clothes."

"No you won't," Sam countered, eyeing the zip that went all the way down that jumpsuit.

Artie chuckled. "Let's hit the showers."

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_Thanks for reading!_


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